Sooooo.... what's been happening in the last 7 days? Not sure if it has been a good week or a bad one. Perhaps a bit of both. Not really good for my emotion - been getting a lot more emotional this past few days. Perhaps PMS? I admit, I do look a bit pale now but can I blame it on the late nights? I don't seem to be able to turn off before 2am. I know, it's bad especially when I have a baby who will wake me up at 4am asking for a feed, and again an hour later and an hour after that... sighhhh... but I can't help it, I just can't sleep!
So what do I do? I went to my craft table and make some headbands. I have to admit, I made some really wicked ones! Check them out!!
Aren't they cute? Well at least I think so. Hehe.. I had fun making them and am proud of every single one of them.
Would be even great if doing this can generate me lots of money. You know, like doing home business, instead of having a day job? Opportunities such as that would be tons in countries like UK or USA but not in Brunei, I think. Especially not since the government had spent tons of money sending one off to get an overseas qualification so that one can give back to the country. But at the same time, it would be a waste as well to let go of a day job that pays me so much so that I can pay all that debt, although I am sad to say that the job I have loved doing before does not hold the same appeal to me anymore. Guess chalk it up to stress overload, leadership issue and me wanting to be there and watch my daughters grow, which I know will not be possible if I stay with this job. I would loveeeeeee to be a full-time mom and work from home, but in the Brunei context, it is still somewhat uncharted territory for a degree holder to do so. Perhaps someday, after I have cleared all my debt, say 10 years time... long time to go..so I'll try and stay positive till then..however, I really think I need that career change...
Anyways, speaking of headbands, maybe I didn't tell anyone this earlier but sometime end of last month, I sheared off my hair again. It is super short. Think Kimberly Wyatt PCD short. No, not short like Emma Watson short (don't think I could pull it off).
Anyways, me and Shoukry had been discussing where to send Azeema to school after Joyful Kids Montessori.. well, I'm a member of this FB group called Brunei's Breastfeeding Mommies and one of the members posted about school choices for kids. Many schools were mentioned. Among others were:
Jigsaw - perhaps after JIS and ISB, may be the school with the most expensive montessori class. Around $300+ per month and normal kindy about $180+.
Stella - the best private school so far, great at improving student's reading progress, focusing on Peter & Jane books. Around $170+.
CHMS - sounds promising with VVIP treatment for parents, a unique way of teaching Maths that's not taught in other schools (that's why their kids are great in Maths), have ECA in Fridays or/and Saturdays. Around $160+ per month.
I am inclining towards CHMS, mainly because of their educational philosophy but at the same time also make time for play with less homework and ECA on Fridays. Their facilities are great but traffic jam has yet to improve. However, Shoukry is so not and would like to just send Azeema to a school nearby, which narrows down to SMS, Sunshine School, Nusa Laila Puteri School and SR Beribi. I am actually worried about the quality of teachers at some of these schools as they may be Filipino teachers with no HND, whereas in government school, it is mandatory to have at least a HND. I really don't understand his reluctance to send to CHMS, because at that price, Azeema is guaranteed to have quality education, with emphasis on Maths and Science but at the same time play as well. I've asked the mommies on the Brunei's Breastfeeding Mommies forum so hopefully can get some answers soon.
I must say, I am disappointed in myself for the way I let Azeema being raised the way she had been. I don't know if this is PMS speaking but I felt that there had been a lot of opportunities for her to be exposed to arts and craft by means of kindy classes but I was just too lazy or too ignorant. I wonder if she had been exposed to those in between age 1 - 3 instead of just being left to watch TV or run around in the house, would she show more creativity, intuition, independency, better behaviour? That's a lot of what-ifs. I wish somebody had written down a manual someway on how to be a better mom. I could kick myself, you know. Although Azeema is improving now ever since she started school, but I know she could have done better, especially in speaking and improving vocabulary. She still rambles, even though her words are more pronounced now, and not really speaking in a correct, full sentence. For someone who is 3 yrs 8 months, she should have been able to speak clearly and properly already. I am so worried. What can I do? Her attention span is something to be frustrated at, too. I know, I'm a bad mom. And someone just posted on FB on how kids who were breastfed for more than 4 months show less tendency for bad behaviour. Is that where I went wrong as well? Because I was too lazy (yes, I admit!) to breastfeed her. I only did it for 1 month - reason being not enough breastmilk but I know it was because I just didn't try hard enough. Oh mannnnn... ok Zida, gotta calm down girl... breatheeeee...
So now I'm trying to do right by Ayra, and I hope it's not too late for Azeema. I know Shoukry complains about the cost but then again they will not be 3 years forever. I have to catch the moment while I still can. And seriously, if he can spend thousands on a lens, I think he can spend some hundreds on Azeema's and Ayra's education.
Ok I think I better stop now before this becomes a whining session.
To close, I think I better update you on Ayra. She's been developing well and her weight stands now at 4.7 kg, a good 2kg increase since birth. She's getting chubbier too and very cute. She can definitely engage with her eyes and recognizes me by sound and face, which I am really proud of. She smiles a lot now, and sometimes in her sleep. Oh and she's been bearing her weight on her legs, especially when I put her in her carrier and she sits on my lap. She will want to push off her legs and stand up, which I know very few children can do at 2 months. But still..I don't want her to overexert herself. One thing I'm worried about is how clingy she is. She loves to be cuddled and I mean loooovvveeesss. If she's in one of that mood, there's no putting her down. She'll just fuss all over again until you pick her up. I'm worried about how it'll be once I start going back to work later. I know I'll be sending her to my mom every morning but still... Anyways, have a look at the little angel:
Isn't she the cutest? Now I just need to make sure she doesn't catch on Azeema's cough. My throat has also been paining me lately but I do hope it will not come to more. But poor Ayra is having the sniffles at times. And it worries me to listen to her trying to breathe with her nose blocked. And to top it off, her poo has not been normal. She poos at least once every two days, and when she does, it'll be all liquidy. It could be something I ate but I just don't know what because I have been eating pretty much the same food since I gave birth. And so far I have only cheated twice..nope, can't tell you, otherwise, my mom will read this and give me hell..hehe..
Anyways, I have been watching a youtube video on Dunstan Baby Language. Will talk about this in the future because I just want to go to sleep now.
And the icing on my not-so-super week is... my phone got barred without any prior warning. Usually they would send you an SMS telling that your phone is at 80% of credit limit, but nooooo...this time they just cut it off and I have no means whatsoever on how to pay. Great, right? Just great...
Oh well, till next time!
Zida xx
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